Monday, December 20, 2010

I Was Sparky

Sometime in early 1998, at an Arizona State vs. UCLA baseball game at Jackie Robinson Stadium, I was Sparky. It was something I had never done before and never will do again. It all started in the middle of the game. I was not paying close attention to the game, as I had not become a true baseball fan yet (that would come a couple of years later). There were other children at the game as well, who presumably didn't pay attention either. Anyway, some guy dressed as Taz came into the stadium, and started entertaining the children. Then, he discreetly asked "Who wants to be Sparky?" The other children quickly declined, because they were all UCLA fans, and knew exactly who Sparky was. I, however, possessed no such knowledge, and accepted the role as Sparky. In the blink of an eye, I was donned with a mask and two pom-poms, and hoisted into the air to chant "ASU! ASU!" My father was absolutely thrilled, because he was the only ASU fan in the crowd of 1,250. He later said that he had to call all of our relatives in Arizona and tell them that I was Sparky.

Looking at this in retrospect is quite interesting. In some ways, I was way more autistic back then than I am now, but in other ways less so. My social skills have greatly improved since them to the point where I essentially pass as normal, but my self-esteem and self-confidence have gone way down since then, and I have become socially conscious to the point where I am almost paranoid. Even though being a mascot is different than being a cheerleader (because your identity is concealed), it is something I would never even attempt today, especially on behalf of the visiting team. I guess I was sort of duped into being Sparky, but I have better social skills now, so I would never be Lou Seal at a Giants vs. Dodgers game, especially one at Dodger Stadium. The Dodgers are one of four MLB teams without a mascot, the others being the Angels, Cubs, and Yankees.

In some ways, I understand why my parents opted not to cure my autism when I was younger. They saw me as a happy-go-lucky child, and their feeling was that simply getting a diagnosis didn't change who I was as a person. This is what they talk about in the Autism Heroes book (2007) for those who have not yet read it. However, since that book was written 3 years ago, my self-esteem has plumetted, because I left VGW for a normal school. I cannot go to college or work as a result. If my parents had known back then that I would be the trainwreck that I am today, perhaps they would've had second thoughts about not curing my autism.

On a side note, the Sparky incident was pre-diagnosis, but it was brought on by autistic-like symptoms. While I know have overcome those, I look back on that incident with ridicule and shame, and while that incident is long behind me (nearly 13 years old), I now suffer from a different form of autism, a much more severe kind that prevents me from leaving my house except for concerts and baseball games.

If you are a first-time reader of AIB, just think of this post as kind of like "autism: then and now." Two different forms of autism, both equally bad and in equal need of a cure. We, as an autistic people, need a cure, and we need it now and badly, so that we can get laid and have sex, as well as lose our virginity. We cannot stand for neurodiversity, as they are trivializing our condition as a "civil rights issue" as opposed to a horrendous disease. Once autism is cured, the world will be a better place. Thank you all for reading this, and peace out.

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